Ugh

This is what frustrates me so much about dating. Soul Patch has said multiple times in emails that he wants to go out again. I'm thinking this is a good thing since our date went really well. He responds favorably and flirtatiously to emails, though I did realize early in the week that he never sends anything unprompted. Hmmm.......

So we go on like this for a week. I email, he responds, we flirt, repeat. After about the third time that he said something along the lines of "can't wait to see you again", I finally said "I'm busy Friday, but how about Saturday?" I have gotten no response whatsoever. Not a text, not an email, and certainly not a call. I refuse to chase him. If he isn't going to email/call/text/make some kind of freakin' contact at this stage in the game, I can't see it getting better! I've been through this before, and I'm not going through it again.

Some disagree with that hypothesis. I have heard that after a guy is REALLY into you, they call more. I can see it happening, though I haven't experienced it first hand.

So Soul Patch is on hold at best and kicked to the curb at worst. I'm not contacting him again unless he contacts me, which I doubt he will. Ugh. I was pretty excited about him.

Super Extra Tall

Super Extra Tall, or SET as he will be referred to, is anothe eH match. As it turns out, though, we were both members of the Charlotte Outdoor Adventures at the same time and have a couple of mutual friends. He called me about a week ago and we decided to go out this weekend. He didn't call to set that up until Friday afternoon, and I was out with friends, so on Saturday we decided to go out Saturday night. A little last minute, but that's ok. We decided on Birkdale for dinner at 8.

I didn't have any trouble finding him, SET is 6'5" so he doesn't exactly blend. I couldn't tell if he is shy and nervous or just quiet. By the time I finally hit on something he spoke spontaneously about, it turned out to be the very scary proposition of something called an Electromagnetic Pulse. This is apparently something that is created when a nuclear weapon is detonated. If one of these were to be detonated about a mile above, say, St. Louis, says SET, we wouldn't recognize it as a nuclear blast (having been detonated above the surface) but everything that runs our world would stop working. Cars, telephones, anything electronic. We're talking about planes falling out of the sky, no police, no hospitals, lack of refrigeration, etc. Anarchy. Awesome. Made me want to buy weapons, ammunition, a horse, and canned goods. This is what I was thinking about at 2am.

It hit me this morning. Leaving our date and after our first and only phone call, I have come away very unhappy with the state of our world. The phone call was discussion of impending economic depression, now its impending dark-ages type living. I think perhaps this is not a coincidence. *sigh*

Supposed to go out with Soul Patch again, we'll see when/if that happens............

Soul Patch

Last night was my first date with Soul Patch. He has an actual personality and the willingness/ability to plan a good date. We met at Revolution, a Mediterranean restaurant in the NoDa section of Charlotte. (NoDa = North Davidson, it's an artsy area complete with a Dog Bar. My kind of place!) Prior to arriving, he sent me a text saying he had on a red shirt and shorts, making it easier to spot him. I thought he meant he had on a red shirt and red shorts, so I was momentarily concerned. Regardless, though, it was helpful information since pictures are only so good when it comes down to it.

As a side note, I have mixed feelings about texting prior to a date and texting early in a relationship in general. It can become a way to not call, kind of a short cut of sorts. Sometimes I think it can decrease intimacy, and sometimes I think it can create familiarity. Random tangent.

So anyway.........my initial impression was good. He looked like his pictures, height given seemed accurate, and believe me, these are not givens. Pictures from 15 years and 50lbs ago are not uncommon for either gender. As seems to be my pattern, he's balding and has facial hair. (Who knows what that's about.) He seemed nervous, which in moderation can be really endearing. Conversation was good, humor was good. We have some odd things in common, like Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR and the Daily Show. He likes the fact that Jon Stewart is my rock star boyfriend. Our politics seem pretty similar, music and beer tastes compatible. We decided to share a pizza, which can be a stumbling block. Ever tried to decide on pizza toppings with a friend? Try doing it on a first date. We had a remarkably easy time doing this, so I'm thinking baseline problem-solving skills are intact.

The after dinner plan was to go across the street to The Evening Muse to see Maia Sharp. Soul Patch is a music guy, and I'm all about that. I had checked out her MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/maiasharp) and loved it, so I was excited. He picked a loveseat for our seating, so my astute powers of observation told me he thought things were going well. She was really wonderful, very soulful, and not a little bitter! Right up my alley. We had a(nother) beer, listened to Maia, people watched, and just generally chilled. Easy to be around. He's a man with an imaginary drum set, and I think he was trying really hard not to play it too much. By the time she was done we were snuggled up and comfy.

Along the way, it came out that it was my birthday. At the end of the concert, I hit the bathroom (a necessity before a 45m drive home) and when I came out, he had gotten one of her CDs and was having it autographed for my birthday present. Today it occurred to me that I haven't had a birthday present from an (unrelated) man in years.

He's a demonstrative guy....huggy, touchy, hand on your back kind of guy. Not in a creepy way, in a good way. I assumed, given the aforementioned snuggling, that there would be a kiss when he walked me to my car. I could tell he thought this was a given, also, good to be on the same page. He goes to kiss me, nicely and appropriately, and then I swear he kissed me like a starving man eats a sandwich. And in a good way- interesting and unexpected.

We exchanged a few texts on the way home, and have exchanged a few today. I'm expecting a second date, but I haven't had a phone call yet (24 hours out) and no plans have been made. So we'll see. Stay tuned...........

Dirty Boy

This is the story of Dirty Boy. He didn't initially appear to be dirty of course, he saved his propensity for dirty clothes and not shaving for the second date. Seriously.

Our first date was pretty normal, on the good end of normal really. Fairly good conversation, good dinner, seemed nice enough........nice enough for a second date to be exact.

As a side note, it was on my way home from this first date that I had a blinding flash of clarity: the amount of conversation I have on a date is not directly related to the relationship potential of said date. In short, I can talk to anyone. When you have to make coherent conversation with people who are actively psychotic, people who are mostly coherent are a piece of cake.

Anyway---- date was good enough for a second date.

He emailed the next day (Friday), asked for a second date, called Saturday and we decided to take the dogs to the off-leash park Sunday morning. Phoebe was very excited to meet a new friend. Her mom was moderately interested in the date itself. I decided that capris and a t-shirt were appropriate attire for a Sunday morning park trip. When he got there I noticed he had on gym clothes. Given this was a pretty casual date, I wasn't initally alarmed. His dog was sweet (a Huskey) and got along well with Phoebe. As we were talking however, I realized he hadn't shaved, and probably hadn't shaved since Thursday's date. Through the course of conversation, I discover he went to play tennis yesterday, and that he played IN THE SAME CLOTHES HE WAS THEN WEARING on our date. Given that he hadn't shaved, I think there's a good possibility he had not showered, either. Tennis.....in Charlotte.....in July.

He called Monday morning at 7:30am. Bizarre time to call someone, even if you know they're a morning person. He called again Monday night at 10:30p, also a bizarre time to call someone when you know they're a morning person.

He is now known as Dirty Boy. There wasn't a 3rd date.

Getting Started

Well here it is, a diary of what it is like to be 32 *gasp!* and dating. Or trying to. Lots of first dates, a few second, and a rare third. After a particularly horrific experience with a recent boyfriend, it became evident that I could no longer contain all of the stories, ridiculousness, shenanigans, and belittling events that occur when someone is trying to find "the one". There is significant debate (in my head) on if "the one" even exists, or if its more a matter of just a good fit. "The One" is starting to feel like a juvenile and naive notion.

So here I am.........and a little backstory to make it all make more sense.......

Most recently I started seeing Jonathan*. All was GREAT. Spectacular. So great that I started to wonder what was wrong. I put these thoughts off as paranoia, too much time spent dating, too many bad experiences. We were planning trips, talking about meeting families, "I'm falling for you." came out of his (lying) mouth. Then WHAM he calls me up on a Monday night (after being in my house and talking about aforementioned trip on Sunday night) and starts babbling about his ex-wife and says he can't see me anymore. This blog is the aftermath of that experience.

Now I'm back to dating, via eHarmony. Most of my friends are fired from fixing me up, work is clearly not an option as the mental health center does not lend itself to romance, and I don't do well in bars.

The next page will be about the first guy I went out with after WHAM. Stay tuned.......

*names are changed to protect....well.......people, innocent or not