Not me, but TD. One minute she wants to help me plan the wedding, the next she's apparently telling her mom that her dad doesn't love her anymore because he spends time with me. Aaargh.
My pipes froze this past weekend. I was very irritated and pretty much at a loss about what to do. I tell NG and he has all kinds of ideas and gets all excited to come fix it. What a hoot he is sometimes......give the man a reason to go to Lowes and he's like a kid in a candy store. He comes over, TD in tow (his weekend), with heat tape (didn't know that existed) and insulation. Turns out the freezing was actually in my well. It doesn't usually get this cold here, it's been in the teens and single digits at night and not above freezing during the day for over a week. Brrrrr. My house was clearly not built for this. So NG comes over and while he's outside, TD and I had some time together. We made cookies, went to Wendy's for take-out, and generally just palled around. It was really fun! She wanted to know when we're getting married, asked twice, and when I told her we would let her know, she said she needed to know soon because she had plans to make. She said she needed to find flowers, "people to come", "you need a dress!!!", and "tables and chairs and stuff". She was cracking us up. She wanted to know how many babies we were going to have and, as we're making cookies, how I would be splitting up the batter eating ("can I have the bowl and give the little kids the beaters??").
And then it changed. Apparently. NG gets an email from BM, saying she's concerned about his relationship with TD and would like to talk to him about it. TD is telling her she doesn't want to come visit, that her dad doesn't love her, and that she's scared of him. All of this is BRAND NEW INFORMATION to NG and me. I was, however, very impressed with her email. It was very rational and constructive, as was (apparently) their conversation this morning. BM told her that her dad loves her very much, and that she is going to have to learn to share her parents with other people. I was AMAZED at her support of our relationship, and really very impressed, particularly in light of the fact that she is not dating! She doesn't have a dog in that fight right now, as the saying goes, and could have totally fed that insecure feeling in TD. As far as TD being scared of NG, once they talked about it, it sounded more like NG needing to learn some more creative parenting skills and stop yelling. Handy that he's dating a family therapist, I used to teach that! My understanding is that yelling and threatening were primary techniques in his family growing up, and he's really interested in learning some alternate techniques. I started talking about timers and sticker charts and went on and on and on. I love that stuff!
Next obstacle? NG wants to have TD 1/2 time, equal to the time her mom has her. It was actually my idea.......I think part of TD's issue right now is a lack of consistency. As I've complained about discussed before, the custody thing changes quickly and without warning. It's hard for me, and I'm a grown up. Having two sets of rules with two parents and not knowing when you're staying where is going to take a toll on an 8yo. If they alternate weeks, things will be more consistent for TD in the long term. At least that's what I think. Selfishly, it will also be more consistent for me in the short term! Everybody wins! BM's initial reaction was "but I'll miss her!!!", to which NG said "ummm.....do you think I don't miss her??" So we'll see.
All continues to be well though. NG and I continue to be very much in love and planning a future. I did NOT get a ring for Christmas, as had occurred to me, but it continues to be a topic of conversation. He still wants to get married this Fall, to which I say tick tock, NG, tick tock.
