Well things continue on at their lovely pace. NG met my brother, sister-in-law, and their kids (3yo girl and 6yo boy) this past weekend. It went swimingly. We had dinner, a few beers, watched some football, and just generally chilled. He got the seal of approval from them, my brother's only reservation being his fear of me getting kicked in the face again. When my s-i-l told him that NG is the one talking more about marriage and babies than I am, that fear seemed to disappear. We're heading to my hometown tonight to meet my dad and stepmom, along with a bunch of hometown folks who have basically known me since I came into the world. No pressure.
I've been spending more time with TD and so far only minor indications of step-shenanigans. We were shopping on Monday and she went into her dad's dressing room and told him I left her by herself. He, knowing me and knowing his daughter, didn't believe her and didn't even flinch. When she came out and told me this, I just told her it wasn't okay to lie. No fireworks, no crap, just successful limit-testing.
I'm so impressed with NG's parenting skills. He's an authoritative parent, by broad category, in that his expectations for her behavior are pretty high and so is his level of warmth and affection. For example.......as we're driving to the mall she's telling this clearly exaggerated story about her teacher 'picking on' her and being 'mean' to her, etc., etc., etc. Not abnormal for an 8yo, and clearly a test of how we would handle this. So I put on my therapist hat, asked some information-seeking questions, discovering (of course) many behaviors of TD that caused the teacher to call her down. NG jumps right in, similar questions, comments, etc., and holds her (not the teacher) responsible for her behavior. I was so impressed. There was no yelling or belittling and there was also no placating or apeasing. I teach parenting, and THIS is what I ask parents to do! I think a big part of our success as parent and stepparent is going to hinge on his tolerance or lack of tolerance of any behaviors she might throw my way. I'm hearing lots of stories of very permissive fathers making step situations unbearable, so far he's backing me up, and that makes me hopeful.
Yep, I agree - we seem to be in very similar situations! I get GREAT backup from the Hoss, and he is the same, just calm and firm, as well as extremely affectionate. Awesome. I learn a lot from him, but also provide some balance for him when I have a more objective point of view than his sometimes soft Dad point of view. We stick up for each other, but not in an exclusive 'us against Squirt' way, more in an encouraging 'be a part of the team, Squirt' kind of way. If that makes any sense. Sounds like you are coping ADMIRABLY!! Keep inspiring me to keep doing the same :)
ReplyDeleteI swear I would have sunk into a deep hole years ago if my husband had not backed me up fully from day one. It really makes all the difference in the success of the relationship - I'm so glad to hear that NG is moving along the right track.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a great outlook to all of this...NG sounds like quite a catch!